Vindicate Read online

  My eyes rushed over her face, trying to recall the absurd amount of questions she asked – trying to find an explanation or comment that would justify any of them.

  Seeing that she had left me speechless, she leaned forward. “How do you know that you and I are seeing the same thing? We may agree that this is a stone floor,” she said, tracing the grey stones we were sitting on , “but is what you see as a stone floor t he same thing I see? Is your gray my gra y? How differen t is my perception than yours. How many people could describe this room utterly differently – with different emotions yet capture it perfectly? There are too many whys and not enough answers in this life.”

  I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding. “The Realm gave you that perception?” I asked, completely mystified.

  “No,” she said quietly. “I had those thoughts long be fore I followed Draven into The Realm. That place just amplified my thoughts . Made me doubt and believe everything I see… most of the time, I think about what is on the other side of The Realm. What I can’t see. How deep the rabbit hole goes, if you will.”

  “You don’t think it’s some kind of dream world? A shared dream or shared conscious?”

  “We could argue that point – but what if this world is? What if we are nothing more than a feeding ground for that dark energy? What if we are prisoners in a lost war of souls – living in exile – trying to fight our way home, fearing that death is our only way there – but at the same time fearing one wrong deed will forever capture us in the evil realm I’m fighting in now?”

  “You really do think deep,” I mumbled.

  “And you don’t, my Scorpio friend?” she asked, tilting her head to the side. “What plagues your thoughts?”

  “Right now?” I said, raising my eyebrows. “How to bring Landen back to me. Drake back.”

  “And before that?”

  “Honestly? Finding you. Ending this dimension’s misery.”

  She turned her finger in front of her, mocking a wheel. “A hamster in a wheel – r unning really fast in circles. No dire ction. No idea what you are doing.”

  “I’d rather be running than standing still…listen…I think your thoughts have depth, and another time I would have debated them with you endlessly, but right now I can’t focus on them.”

  Why was everyone throwing philosophy at me? I’m a little bit too distract right now to learn from it.

  “Do you see now why I don’t want to fall in love ? Why I don’t want the clarity of my mind to be overthrown with the fear of losing love?”

  Where did that statement come from? “That is a miserable way to see love . Soul mates make you stronger. You don’t stand alone in the darkness with them at your side.”

  “Yet, you’re standing alone now . You had to come for us just to fight your way to them…bet you’ve been fighting for love since your first breath.”

  “You’re right,” I said, not feeling ashamed of it.

  “You know what happens when you fall in love?” she asked.

  “I think I do,” I said, raising my eyebrows She rolled her eyes at me before she spoke. “When you fall in love, you focus everything – all of your energy on one person . Eventually, you b egin to pull from that person. You’re pulling because you cut yourself off from every source of energy that sustained you before that point – and before long, you have placed yourself in the weakest position you could imagine.”

  “Being in love is not weak. I t’s empowering,” I maintained .

  She moved her head side-to-side. “How crazy would it be to think that the one weapon we have – love – the most powerful thing in all of energy – is also our weakness. You have been purposely distracted …running in circles, making sacrifices of the heart, and all the while the evil creeps closer. The evil is feeding, and y ou have laid a feast before it. You stopped finding energy from the universe – and only pull from Landen, s o when he is gone – you’re gone. That is defeat.”

  All right, lets debate this. “And what do you suppose I do? Stop fighting for love. For Landen? Walk away from Drake ? This dimension? You would not ask me to do that if you had felt love like that . Purpose like that. We are not meant to be alone.”

  “I’m not telling you to stop fighting for anyone or anything. I’m telling you t o wake up.” Her sin flushed. “Stop giving the darkness every reason to take Landen from you . To hurt these people…I may not be able to ‘see ’ you – dance in your thoughts, but I can see your energy. I can see the d amage you have done to yourself. You’re tired . Weak. I f I had to guess, I would say that in the beginning you were just dodging what made you unique, and when you were forced to face it – you fel l into the ‘poor me’ syndrome. Yes, you had your moments of strength . Ones I’m sure I would admire if I could see them, but now – now you’re lost . You have allowed this place . This evil to take over your life .” She glanced to the aura around me. “I see the energy of others around you…people who have tried to lead, follow – love you, but you are blocking them. You don’t trust anyone, including yourself…and that is not going to win you any victories in The Realm . Or this world, for that matter.”

  Can we say reality check? How did she know all of that? “All true, I suppose…but under all that, I just wanted peace.”

  “Yet you never asked why . Never tried to perceive the unknown . You just kept working though what was in front of you – not taking a moment to see the big picture…you never asked the question, so you never found the answer . Quit asking ‘why me’ and star t asking what can I do to help. What can I do in this universe to move humanity forward? What action needs to be taken – and if you think loving Landen – finding someone to love Drake is your answer…well then, I think this dimension should prepare for infinite dark days – because you are blind.”

  It was like watching the reflection in the mirror scorn you. “Do you know how hard it is for me to tell you that I agree with you?” I mumbled.

  “I do,” she said as her eyes glistened with accomplishment. “Blind obedience is hard to overcome…I wish you the best of luck with that.”

  “And if you were me – just how would you go about doing that?” I asked as I tried to grasp her point of view.

  She stared at me for a moment or two without expression, then she leaned forward. “Ask a lot of questions…”

  “I can ask questions . Not a problem. I already do that and only get answers that are later proven wrong – or worse, I begin to fight or fear something that is l a ter proven to be insignificant.” I glanced up at the gray sky. “My soul wants to free this dimension from the darkness that has encased it for eternity . I almost wish you could see me – see the dreams Lan den and I have for this place. What we know it could be.”

  “How long have you been here?” she asked.

  “This is not my home. My home is Chara.”

  “How long have you been in Chara?” she asked, sighing with frustration.

  “The end of August.”

  “Three months. Before August, did you conceive that our home was the only world? Would you have believed in the string –other dimensions?”

  “I think I would have . I helped images my entire life that led m e to other parts of the world. Other dimensions.”

  “And if you were ‘normal,’ would you believe in this place?” I didn’t answer her. “Do you still help images?” she asked.

  I le t out a frustrated breath. Did her and August have a conference about me or something? Seriously, he would love this girl. “No. The last one to come was Stella.”

  “Don’t you find that odd? That you stopped helping people the moment you found Landen?”

  Here we go again. “I started helping people in front of me. I t’s not my fault they stopped coming.”

  “Is it not? Did you close that door – to focus on Landen and Drake?”

  “Whatever,” I mumbled; trying not to believe that was true.

  “Whatever. Real mature. Look, you may have learned a lot in the la
st few months, but y ou forgot what you already knew. I don’t think it’s a farfetched idea for you to realize that this world may be an illusion. A t the very least a distraction . A distraction from the core of the prob lem – that, I believe, lies in The Realm.”

  “Right, so show me how to get there so I can ‘fix’ it, then move on.”

  “Move on to what?” she asked curiously.

  “Peace. Calm. Home. Chara.”

  “So you have chosen to put a Band-Aid on this world, then go home and what – plant a garden – have a few kids and grow old?”

  “Sounds nice.” Really nice. Add in a few blank canvases and I’d be set.

  “Not to me,” she said smugly.

  “If you commit to fight – you will always fight. From what I’m told, your thoughts lead your future,” I countered.

  “I’m not choosing to fight. I’m choosing to be a lifelong student . To dive deeper and deeper into consciousness . To r emove the veil before my eyes. Find truth in my existence.”

  “And how do you plan to do that alone? Do you plan to chase this ambition without anyone at your side?”

  “Whoever wa nts to be at my side is welcome. I will not stop Charlie, the others, or even you from coming with me, but I will not be complacent – wrap myself in the idea that my life will end if my heart is broken. I will not broadcast my weakness.”

  Oh, I was weak now. I see. Twirl your ring, Willow, I told myself. “I’ve never broadcasted anything . From day one, I was placed between Landen and Drake. Told to choose. Told that I must face all of these trials. With only the hope that in the end there would b e peace. Not only for me, but my family, this world.”

  She took in a deep breath. “Do you realize that we have been waiti ng on you for over a year now. That Austin had been trying to catch up with Landen and tell him about the damned we saved – the whispers that torment our thoughts? Charlie almost went to Montana. Went to find you and Landen, but she held back because she didn’t wa nt to rain on your fairy tale. A few weeks ago, we went to Chara – I felt Landen’s grief the moment we stepped into that vision – felt the lost confusion of everyone there. I thought to myself , ‘They will never come for us. They will never come because they are spinning in place…they have been captured by t he darkness that is chasing us.’”

  “I did come for you.”

  “When you neede d something. When you had no choice.”

  Maybe I should tell her that I argued until I was blue in the face that she existed. No, that probably would not help Drake’s case. “The re is a reason for everything. A reason Austin never found a way to talk to Landen. You can’t blame me for not looking for someone that I didn’t know needed me.”

  “You blocked us, and there is no telling who else you’ve blocked . Power of attraction . You di dn’t want to find anyone. You wanted to stay at home and grow old,” she said shortly.

  She really wanted to fight with me. Didn’t she. “Excuse me ?! You ’re blaming me for what ? Not ‘attracting’ you to me?”

  “Yeah. I am . Do you even know what the power of attraction is? It’s the idea that we bring what we want into our lives though our emotions – our thoughts – you were not seeking us because you were not thinking of anyone beyond your family. I f you w ere asking ‘why’ from day one you would be further than you are . Maybe even with less heartache . With more people fighting on your side.”

  “Fine. I’m sorry . I was running in circles . I didn’t ask why . Didn’t conceive the idea that the universe could be any more insan e than I have already seen it. Sorry . Very sorry,” I bit with a harsh edge. “What’s done is done . You are here now. A nd like it or not – you will vindicate me . Now that you are here I will ask why every day . Why I didn’t argue louder that you existed.”

  A sly grin came across her face. “There you go again . A fter everything I’ve said, yo u are still focusing on Drake. Do you think he doesn’t know I exist? You think that he has never looked into my eyes?”

  Focused on Drake? I was focused on Landen. But whatever. I’d be her martyr. I deserved that. “Not in reality. A nd he doesn’t trust his dreams.”

  “He trusts them enough to believe in you.” her words were as sharp as daggers. This girl was not my biggest fan. And I couldn’t blame her for feeling that way. She was actually holding it together far better than I would have.

  I moved my head from side to side. “If you only knew what they have done to him . The kind of life he has led,” I argued.

  “You don’t know what I know, and I’m not in the mood to tell you.” she bit back as her near murderous stare bored into me.

  “Are you always like this? Or is someone else already in your heart? Are you in the mood to tell me about Britain?”

  “How dare you,” she said through her teeth as she stood to leave the room. Ah , so that was it. Britain. She wasn’t mad at me or Drake. She was mad at herself. She didn’t trust her dreams to be true, and now her heart and soul were divided. Triangles bring out the worst in us. No doubt there.

  I did n’t even have to think about it. My energy reached out for hers and pulled her back down. I watched calmly as she struggle d against the hold I had on her. I could see the rage building in her eyes. It kinda made me smile on the inside. She may have had the most powerful speech in the universe in her corner. But I had vindication in mine.

  Chapter Eleven

  I felt Marc and Beth’s intent to find me . The emotion of hope in Beth made me sad, and the room grew darker to reflect that. I didn’t want Beth to m eet Madison yet. I didn’t want Madison to say or do anything that would bring that woman any more heartache. I didn’t have time to convince Madison to accept Drake as her soul mate. I already knew one look into his eyes would end that argument of hers.

  I wanted to know who this Britain guy was. Why Madison was so intent on ignoring the fact that she had dreamed of Drake. What kind of guy could override that kind of insight?

  “All I want to know is who he is,” I said steadily as I held her in place.

  She glared. “A friend.”

  “What kind of friend?” I pushed.

  “Someone who needs me more than Drake right now.” She snapped back.

  “Why is that?” I seethed. Knowing that this Britain boy would have to be on his deathbed too for that to be true. I had my doubts he was.

  “None of your business,” she said as she held my cold stare.

  “So. You’re willing to be with someone who wanted Charlie, but not with s omeone who wanted to be with me. Why is that?” I asked, tilt ing my head, mirroring the profound curiosity her anger was failing to hide.

  “I’m not with him. I’m not with anyone.”

  That was lie. I didn’t need an insight to know that. “I can see it in your eyes.”

  “See what?!” she asked gruffly .

  “Compassion for him.”

  “That’s not a sin.” She said as she narrowed her eyes.

  “No, but it’s causing you to dismiss all the signs that say I’m right . You are the one I have been looking for.”

  A smirk echoed on the corners of her lips. “If you were really looking for me you would have found me. What did you say ? There is a reason f or everything?” I could hear the taunt in her words and it took all I had to remain calm . “You didn’t find me because you were not looking. He didn’t find me because he was not looking. Someone else found me. Long before this life.”

  “You remember past lives?”

  “Maybe.” She glanced away. That told me she didn’t. That Britain had told her he was in her past. For all I knew that was lie. One that she was desperately trying to hide behind.

  I leaned forward. “Well, if you do. Then your remember Drake. Right?”

  No answer.

  “It doesn’t matter what your remember. What you dream. All that matters is how you feel. Help you r Britain boy if you want. If you don’t help Drake that’s your Karma to deal with. Not mine.

  “I’m here
aren’t I? I left my family. I left Britain. I’m here. I have no fear of my Karma.”

  There was an ache in her voice that pulled at my soul. Triangles suck.

  Bet h and Marc were getting closer. I had to find a way to reach a truce with her. Find a way to make her not run from me the moment I released her.

  “Look. Fine. I’ll stop. I won’t say another word about Drake. A ll I’m asking is tha t when you see him in reality that you do not close that door before he has the chance to walk through it. I’ll he lp you with whatever you need. I’ll help Monroe and her brothers. I’ll help Charlie and Draven. Even this Britain guy, if I can. I will as k ‘why’ every second of my life.” I hesitated, “But only if you do two things for me . Don ’t close yourself off from me - help me get to The Realm. Help m e bring back our sovereigns.” I cringed knowing Landen would hate that I referenced him that way. “This universe needs to find peace . I can’t even begin to explain to you how dark not only this world, but also Chara will become if either of them were lost . They are the warriors. They are the fearless warriors that will not rest be fore peace is created. They have already chosen the path you are on . The path of deep understanding . The pa th of change . I have chosen the same path.”

  Silence suffocated the stone room.

  Finally I said. “Truce? Do you agree?”

  “Agreed,” she said in the most humble tone I’d ever heard .

  The gray sky grew a little lighter as I released her.

  “Marc and his mother are walking toward us right now. Don’t hurt that woman. She has lost too much.” I warned.

  “I feel her,” Madison said quietly as her eyes reflected the remorse she felt.